while I don't work for a railroad, I have been around railroader and railroads all my life, and have worked on railroad equipment for some time. I agree with most of the posters here. You are misinterpreting the folks that tried to train you as being "mean." No, from what you write, they were bending over backwards to help you "get with the big picture." Some jobs are just not meant for some poeple; Railroading ranks up there with one of the more difficult jobs, both from a mental, physical and emotional point. Family life is tough for most railroaders; they are away from their "home station" a lot, until they get enough senority to hold down some of the choice jobs that stay close to home (truckers have this problem too). Nonetheless, I've known railroaders who love their job (but usually hate the management!), and retire successfully. There's also the other aspect, the mental issues, especially for crews that witness accidents. One old family friend (retired RRer) when the subject came up said, very quietly (not his normal modus), "you NEVER forget."
Reading between the lines, you made some major errors that didn't help you one bit; wearing a railfan T-shirt, gawking at unusual equipment (odd railroads, really clean or non-tagged stuff)--especially when the job at hand required full concentration (switching moves), disucssing railfanning during working operations. So, count yourself lucky that you went through the process with no accidents and came out wiser. BNSF invested quite a bit in you and got basically nothing in return; I wouldn't fault them!
Am I a "true railfan?" Not really, I'm an historian with a strong interest and appreciation for railroads. Would I fit the job; I doubt it (and at my age, I would say, NO WAY)! But, I can help restore historic equipment!