Good morning, folks! I know many of you are off today and wondering how you can spend some money in your idle time. Well, I'm happy to say I just got my handcar tour operation started on a branch the bike nazis wish they could have. So there's a big fat middle finger to you, Brian!

Hey, but running a handcar tour operation takes money, so I need to up my membership roster at Trainorders.com. I know many of you lurk on the site, yet post here. The ones who are the greatest are those respond to a post on my site on this site without any context, calling out my members like they know this site actually exists and leaving everyone here scratching their heads.

So, I would like to invite you to join my site so you can actually communicate directly, all while being shouted down for being a liberal, train hater, Trump lover, or human being in general. As a reminder, no criticism of photos is tolerated. You may only respond with “Great shots, keep them coming!” despite the number of technical flaws with the picture.

Membership at my site only costs pennies a day, and I want to remind you all about the special benefits you will receive for your well spent money--
On the Western board, you'll be treated to a friendly rivalry between old coots DonWinslow and santafe199. They'll continually waste my bandwidth posting photos, ribbing each other (isn't that a great old term?) over who has the suckier photos. Spoiler alert-- they both do.

On the Eastern board, Cornholehobby will ensure nothing in Ohio slips by without being photographed and posted to my site. You'll also be treated to the latest Ohio news from recently returned member bath_wildcat, who has a certified 100% inaccuracy rate.
On the Passenger board, you'll have access to contemporary discussions on how Amtrak should have porters who sing a happy tune while shining your shoes hoping for a nice shiny quarter as a tip, and how gourmet meals should be served on fine china, all for a $39 fare, because this is what all Americans want and deserve. All discussions include comments from joemvcnj, who was recently declared "angry and offensive" by ISIS. Keep up the great work, Joe!

On the Steam board, resident expert CardBoardy offers unsolicited advice to steam operators across the country, drawing on his expansive 50+ years outdated railroad knowledge. At last check, he was at his local post office dropping pencil drawings in the mail to the Durango & Silverton and Western Maryland Scenic, instructing them on how to build track that would be appropriate for a recreation of the Civil War era in railroading.

On the Canadian Board, you'll receive drama-free factual posts. Hmmm...wonder what's different about the people on that board? I'll have to look into that.

As an added bonus, you'll see comments from Lackawana484 on all posts on all boards. Inciteful commentary from this veteran hobbyist include things such as "Some people like trains, and others prefer to ride a bus. Yet some insist on driving their own cars. It is obvious a balanced transportation policy is needed in this country to maximize travel choices and bring return on investment to private industry and taxpayers for the benefit of all." Well, thank you, Sir...but I asked what time the CCT heads up to Lodi...

You'll get much, much more for your subscription. Did I mention it costs only pennies a day? A few fringe lunatics have said I could save a few pennies on wasted bandwidth by enforcing my discussion forum rules which limit photo postings to something newsworthy or unique, but I don't have time to bother with enforcement, nor do I ask my moderators to. Hey, I've got a handcar tour operation to run!

I wish I could tell you more benefits your membership brings, but the next tour group is starting to arrive. I already have a fat smelly guy in front of me, wearing a fishing vest with railroad patches all over it who is regurgitating this line's history to me, and telling me how I could make these handcars more accurately reflect the line's history.

Today's tour is going to feature helper service, as I'm placing two old ladies in straw hats who just drove up in a Prius at the front of the pack. I figure the two SP fans I'm putting second out are going to have an awesome time pretending they are a pack of tunnel motors shoving one over Tehachapi helping those nice little old ladies make it over the line.

So come join the fun at Trainorders.com for just pennies a day, and watch your head explode with all the railroad knowledge you will receive.

All the best,

Toad Clark