EARTH SHOULD BE MADE SAFER FOR PEDESTRIANS, LAWSUIT SAYS
By R. E. Porter

REDDING, CA (AP)--Garnet Gallinger is no stranger to bad luck.

Last year, Gallinger, a resident of Redding, was hit by a train in Seattle, Washington while crossing railroad tracks on the way to an Oakland Athletics-Seattle Mariners game. The 72-year-old man lost his ability to drive and suffered brain damage. He sued the city of Seattle, BNSF Railway, the Washington State Department of Transportation and the Mariners and won an undisclosed amount.

Tragedy befell Gallinger again last week when a blob of lava snaked through the streets of Redding. Gallinger was crossing Dana Drive near the Mt. Shasta Mall and stepped into the path of the slow-moving lava flow. Before he could finish crossing the street, the mass of lava flowed around his legs, leaving him stuck and in pain.

According to U.S. Geological Survey officials, the lava came from an eruption at nearby Mt. Lassen, a volcano scientists had thought to be extinct.

"At first, it hurt like hell!" Gallinger said. "But after the nerves in my legs disintegrated, I really couldn't feel much."

Rescuers from the Redding Fire Department were on the scene within 10 minutes but were unable to approach Gallinger because of the lava. It took a rescue helicopter from Sacramento just over an hour to arrive. The crew was able to lower a harness to Gallinger, which he put on. Gallinger lost both legs when the crew raised the harness.

Though he survived, life has changed, Jessie Gallinger said. "Before the Seattle incident, he loved to drive his truck," she said. "After the accident, he couldn't do that anymore, but at least he could walk. Now he can't even do that anymore."

Gallinger's attorney, Joel Cunningham, has filed lawsuits against the city of Redding, the California Department of Transportation, the City of Sacramento Fire Department, and God.

Cunningham, who represented Gallinger's case in Seattle last year, said that the lawsuits are warranted. "These people had a responsibility to protect Mr. Gallinger from all possible danger, and that includes the danger of a natural disaster, up to and including an underground tunnel system for lava drainage," he said. "Anything less than that is negligence."

Redding mayor Dick Dickerson disagreed. "If there was any negligence, it was on the part of the pedestrian," he said. It's unreasonable to ask the city to prepare for an unlikely natural disaster from an extinct volcano, he said. "Besides, the lava was moving at less than one mile per hour. He should have heard the explosions and commotion up the street and looked before he crossed."

The city took some steps after some minor earthquakes last week, broadcasting and posting alerts and instructions for how to deal with a volcanic eruption. But Cunningham said another step that would have protected Gallinger -- building an underground tunnel system -- was not taken until just yesterday.

Cunningham also alleges the California Department of Transportation was negligent because they had discussed but not implemented an upgrade to the pedestrian crossing lights. According to a letter supplied yesterday by California transportation spokesman Ben Langer, the state planned to install an advanced sensor system that would detect lava flows and keep the crosswalk from displaying a "Walk" indication. The system was supposed to be installed last year, but technological hurdles and the state budget crisis put the project on the back burner.

God's spokesman, the Archangel Gabriel, said that God was not happy about being sued. "He made this earth, and He can do whatever He wants with it," Gabriel said.

But Cunningham said that God created a dangerous situation by misleading people into believing Mt. Lassen was extinct. A draft legal brief was leaked from God's legal department in which God claims He is not the responsible party. Instead, He places blame on @#$%&, Adam and Eve for causing the earth's fall from perfection.

@#$%&, Adam and Eve are not currently listed as defendants in the lawsuit.

Representatives from the City of Sacramento Fire Department, which sent the rescue helicopter and crew, said that they regretted rescuing Gallinger. "We save people's lives, and this is the thanks we get," said spokesman Capt. Chad Augustine. "Sometimes people in this kind of situation lose a limb or two, but I would think my life is worth more than my limb."

According to the police report, two people behind Gallinger saw the lava coming and tried to grab him, but failed. Those on the opposite side of the street were "yelling and waving their arms." That might be, Cunningham said, but Gallinger wouldn't have stepped in front of the blob had the flow been diverted into underground tunnels.

Wendy Northcutt, who writes the Darwin Awards book series and maintains www.darwinawards.com, says that Gallinger is a likely candidate in her next book. "In order to win a Darwin Award, you need to remove yourself from the gene pool," she said. "Unfortunately, the lava didn't quite get far enough up Mr. Gallinger's body to qualify him, but we'd be happy to reward him with an Honorable Mention."