In a nod to the CDF and USFS practice of lighting 'backfires', or those fires set intentionally ahead of an unchecked fireline to help stop the fire, the major railroad players in Southern California are jointly producing a new type of firetrain. As opposed to a design that once protected the snowsheds of the fabled Donner Route, this new train will instead feature flame-producing jets that will simultaneously light up both sides of the right of way. "In this fashion, we will be able to completely control the starting of fires for the purpose of back-lighting near our line." says Director of Casualty Prevention, Western Region, Mr. Bruce D. Cornhollio. "We're still working out a few issues like whether to use ethanol, propane or napalm, and it also appears that it's going to become a sensitive issue with some folks as to how we control the fires after we start them. For some reason, the Forest Service is starting to question our motives." he adds.
When asked how he thought this new train woul help protect the railroad, Conductor Jerrey "Drunkass" Sanderson had this to say: "Well, Hell I don' no if it'll help or not! Them bastards never lissen to noBODY any DAMN WAY. Alls I kin say is they better not deplete the extra board doin' it, or we'll put da LITTLE wheels on... tell you WHAT, dammit!"
Offering perhaps a slightly different perspective, Union of The Brotherhood of PinPullers Vice Local Chairman, San Bernardino Lodge Tim "Deep Pockets" Shifty offered his thoughts: "We'd be happy to support this new class of service under our existing agreements, but it would have to be six-day a week job, or a pool turn, at least. We're really not interested in protecting this new class of service any less than twenty trips in a pay period."
Twenty trips in fifteen days? Well folks, that'll certainly keep the weeds down! Look for this new train to roll out CalPro's Mira Loma, Calif. facility in time for Fire Season '08.