I want Angry Joe on this board confronting CEO Chauncey Gardner. Despite bringing a filing cabinet with 4 decades of "If they would just do this" notes he won't be able to make the trains run on time. But he'll raise hell about car washes and having to pack his own hard boiled eggs. We'll get through cars from the Capitol Ltd to the neo-Three Reviews. Which will guarantee the morning train east from Pittsburgh is late 50% of the time. He'll solve the mystery of the Viewlinerdiner's missing strawberries. If they don't scrap the Caine at Beech Grove.

I want to see Professional Amtrak testify in front of the board. Unedited. For hours.

I want Baked Dan driving the TO bus to the hearings. (Rumors of bat out of hell driving as a foamer and maybe brief crew van stint.) And some guest testimony. "Mongo love train. y u no secund slepr?"

I want Liarwanna on the bus and the wifi sabotaged. They'll kick him off in the middle of the nite for not shutting up. But it will give us a few hours of relief. Hopefully escorted off by the cops he loves to slander.

I want I'ma'pdt typing in questions and testimony from remote. Covering miles wide topics with inch deep analysis. Demanding everyone else be censored. And forcing the committee to bring in the Navajo to code crack his/her/its TextLatin.

I want PHall left behind, jealous that his all encompassing expertise from the old men Muppets theatre box was ignored. (It will be hard to top his response to someone talking about families riding the "Felony Flyer" to visit inmate relatives. "Maybe there being a prison at the end of the line has something to do with it." - snarky PHall. No sh!t Sherlock Obvious! Ever wonder why he mentioned inmates or called it the Felony Flyer?)

I want 199 on the trip to document. We'll get a month's worth of dumb titled threads on all the DC boots he licked.

I want every second of hearings archived on YouTube. Oceana has always been at war with Asiana, TO has always been at war with YouTube.